Op-ed – Satire: Florida GOP legislators banish NRA lobbyists; they flee to Texas
In an abrupt about-face, conservative Republican legislators banished NRA lobbyists from the Capitol last week after getting what appeared to be divine instructions at a Republican prayer meeting.
Shouts of “ban guns!” and “Get lost!” were heard echoing through the Capitol corridors. Other shouts of “We don’t want your money, give it to the Democrats!” sent NRA advocates scurrying for the exits. Confused and dazed, many were seen dragging bags of money and looking for Democrats. None had ever spoken to a Democrat before.
A reporter who was covering a “For the Children” demonstration asked a Republican from Gadsden County what caused this stunning change of heart. He described a Sunday Republican prayer meeting at a local Protestant church. During the homily, a mysterious bright light illuminated the stained glass window, lighting up the pulpit.
A surprised cleric stepped aside while a booming voice shouted, “Ban Guns! End the carnage!” The light dissipated and the church went dark. Shocked Republicans argued whether this was a true sign from God or a trick by devilish Democrats. It was determined that “He” had spoken.
They agreed to immediately draft a bill banning all weapons and advocating an end to violence. It passed unanimously in the House and Senate.
A last-minute amendment by a Democrat did allow those older than 18 years of age to have BB guns, pea-shooters and slingshots. The bill has been sent to the governor for signature. Unfortunately, he did not attend the prayer meeting typically spending Sunday at home counting his money.
NRA lobbyists were last seen joining a caravan of Brink’s trucks heading toward Texas.
Dr. Yacht is a semi-retired physician living in Hudson, Florida. Column Courtesy of Context Florida